Go Away

unrelentingI am officially in taper mode for the Chicago Marathon and of course, I’m restless. This is a time when I need to be taking it easy with my intensity in the miles I still have remaining as well as the cross training that I am doing. Things that for a person like me, are much easier said than done.

I have chatted with a few people and gotten some great advice on what to do during my taper. It shouldn’t be so hard, considering that I did a taper before the Green Bay Half Marathon I ran in May. However, I didn’t really feel a need then to “chill” during taper because I had already so many half marathons.

Now, however, doubt is slowly rearing its ugly head at me. So I need to chill with intensity. As I said, this is easier said than done and a lot of it has to do with things going on in my life.

As my taper began this week, some things happened that make it quite clear how I stand with some people I know. While it was hurtful to find these things out, at least now I know so that when something really, really important is going on, I will know who I can count on for help and support.

In any event, when I found this stuff out, I was in the midst of a run and that run turned out to be the hardest run I have done. It wasn’t very far, but it was tough to get through because of thinking about what I had found out about people. Even listening to music didn’t help to drown out the hurt and numerous thoughts that run through my mind.

And here is where the doubt slowly starts to creep in. How will I make it through the marathon when I won’t be listening to music. I know that I will make it, but there is always that seed of doubt. Of course, listening to music helps drown out the myriad of thoughts when I run and the 26.2 miles will be great therapy, but sometimes, I do wonder how will I make it through.

At this point, I’m guessing I will probably start singing a song that I’ve been listening to lately about getting strength to do what you need to do. I have to believe it will all work out well, but in the meantime, I really want the doubt, annoyance and irritation to just go away and leave me alone for a bit. Maybe after the race, it can come settle and disturb my mind, but for now, I need a peaceful mind and mostly for the irritation to just leave me be. I don’t have time to think about this crap while trying to accomplish something relatively (ok, very) important to me. I’ve worked too hard to have it not go well.

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