I quit. I’m done. I can’t try anymore. I am finished.
That is how I have started to feel of late. I try and try to stay in contact with people. I try and try to be a good person to others. And in return, I get nothing. I don’t expect anything, but after a while it really does get tiring and exhausting trying to maintain relationships with people who don’t feel the same way. Or at least take it for granted that I am always going to get in touch and maintain a relationship that clearly is one-sided.
So I quit emailing people. I quit texting people. I quit making phone calls. What is the point when those attempts to reach out to others go ignored. Or only get answered when it is convenient to the other person. Which generally only occurs when I have somehow put myself front and center in that person’s view. I’m sorry that I’ve inconvenienced you by making you think about my existence. I’ll stop getting in your way. Because that is probably what you crave – me being out of your orbit.
I know you have better things to do than talk, return calls, texts and emails. I know you have more important people to deal with. Or I should say, you do talk return texts, phone calls and emails as long as they aren’t from me and are from people you want to talk to. So I will quit. I won’t bother you anymore. However, if you feel a need to talk, I will probably be an asshole and still be around. Because that is what my I do – be there for others. I know sometimes you might offer to be there for me, but we both know it is your worst nightmare that I take you up on your offer.
But don’t worry, as I said, I quit. So whenever you make that hollow gesture, know I won’t be interrupting your life to take you up on it. As I said, I know you have better things to do and more important people you want to focus on. Enjoy your thing. Spend time with those you feel are worthy of your time and I will do all I can to not be in your view. So you don’t have to worry about coming up with some bullshit excuse for avoiding me (like the classic ‘I’m busy” one that has become the new go-to excuse.) I’ll just make it easy for you so you can do what you need and not feel guilty about it.