Master of Faking it

I know when I say this, people will not believe me. However you should know it is true. I am far from the most confident person in the world. In fact, I’d say I am rather (or extremely) insecure about a lot of (ok, most) things.

Every time I tell someone this, they always give me the side eye because they just cannot believe it to be true. I must be lying because in their opinion, when have I ever been insecure? Not to mention, sometimes they will ask me for advice on how to deal with something because give advice at times is what i do. I think there are maybe five people who actually believe me when I say this because they’ve seen it. But for the most part, no one believes me. And the reason no one believes me is because somehow I have made myself the master of faking it until I make it. Then again, I do go to great lengths to not burden others with my “issues” so I shouldn’t be surprised no one believes me about stuff like insecurities. 

My mastery of faking it came up again the past couple of days. First it happened with my audition where somehow I was able to give the impression I had been doing this stuff for years. Then there was Saturday after spin when I was talking to a friend about becoming a groupie of a spin instructor both love. My friend that I was talking to gave me the “yeah right, I call bullshit” look when I said that I did something that is just not me.

Anyway, now that I have had a few recent experiences of stepping outside my box, I have gotten even better at faking it until I make it. Maybe one day I will not feel like I am faking it and that I am that confident, but until then, I will be faking it. Because I have no choice but to fake things lest I stop leaving the security of my home. And that might end up as a tragic thing as I would never socialize with anyone.

Although, some days, I am perfectly fine not socializing with people. Sometimes, it is way too exhausting (problems introverts have) and so many people just have this way of making me hate them.


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